Your tits are I can't wait for
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
