he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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