Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
