guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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