How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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