My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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