Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
