I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
