I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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