My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
