after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
