Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
