It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
