i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The uberlube is also flammable
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
