I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
