My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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