I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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