There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
