Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm at about main and main street
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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