Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He felt like a one man threesome
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
