part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
