i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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