I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
