Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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