If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
