he shaved USA in his pubs
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
