You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
