Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
