my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
