Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
