its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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