what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
