I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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