i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
