Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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