I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
