hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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