if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
