I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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