that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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