Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
