he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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