I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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