i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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