there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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