God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Drunk is not a location!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
