you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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