It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
this hospital has no fireball
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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