I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
