I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
