dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
