babies were throwing up all over the place
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
