Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
