did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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