Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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