Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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