***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
